i feel bad because mj is super stressed out because moving and there’s not really anything i can do to make it easier because she has her set ways of doing things and i totally understand that!! but i feel bad and wish i could make things easier for her and and david so that they aren’t at each other’s throats

(also yes obvs i know mj will see this sorry i love u i’m sorry i’m not being helpful :( )

I keep getting worried that me being far away will make you cheating or even thinking about cheating more likely which is stupid because I 100% was not afraid of this before I moved and the logical part of me knows that you won’t do that and that you love me. I’m just afraid that you’re getting or will get bored of me especially now that it’ll be harder to see each other. You’re my world and my rock and my everything and I’m stupidly afraid of losing you. Ugh.

I keep having this thought that being in a motel wouldn’t be that bad because then I wouldn’t have to think about the guilt of a family member or friend finding my body. Somehow it’s less bad thinking about a stranger finding it.

I’m not okay right now.

I still don’t trust that you’re not going to disappear again so I get stupidly panicky when it takes more than five minutes for a kik message to show as delivered

I’m guessing your iPod is off but there’s still that part of me that thinks you deleted the app and have no intention of talking to me again.

I’m an idiot.

I just miss feeling like anything I did or felt mattered to anyone who wasn’t me.

Especially you.

I don’t really trust you anymore and I don’t feel like I really matter or like we really have a chance.

Idk. Some days I feel like we have a chance. That particular feeling is much more subjective to my mental state.

I just wish I could believe I matter.

Im just so over feeling so alone and empty and supportless and I keep thinking that I should just be cutting ties but I know I love you too much and am too attached to you to do that and I just. Don’t really know what to do. Because I can’t talk to you about this.